Chess Daffynitions

 


AAGAARD: Grandmaster who changed his name to be first on the FIDE rating list.

ADJOURNMENT: pause in the game so that both players can get help from chess computers and chess engines.

ADJUDICATOR: someone rated 200 points than you that can render his judgment not in your favor after looking at the position for less than one minute.

ALEKHINE: type of battery for a digital chess clock.

ALGEBRAIC NOTATION: A way of recording games for those who can't describe them.  Unlike the metric system, it was adopted by the United States eventually.

AMATEUR:  Someone who hustles in chess for money.

ANALYSIS:  Proof by strong computer program that you could have won the game you lost.

ATTACK: a short, sharp-pointed nail.

BACKWARD PAWN:  A pawn that lives deep in the woods.

BAD BISHOP: another Catholic caught in a sex scandal, or the only bishop you have left on the board.

BAROQUE CHESS SET:  Unrepaired chess set.

BATTERY:  See Alekhine.

BIRD'S OPENING:  a small hole in the side of a coop.  Named after Henry Bird, who was nearsighted and always grabbed the wrong pawn on the first move with his right hand.

BISHOP PAIR: strange bed fellows.

BISHOPS OF OPPOSITE COLORS: a very strange couple.

BLITZ: A game of chess where the players move faster than they think.

BLUNDER: A sacrifice made to get a tactical disadvantage, leading to a lost game.  If the game is won, however, then it is called a brilliancy.

BOARD: What chess widows are at chess tournaments with their husbands.

BRILLIANCY: A combinative sequence that didn’t lose and is easy to see once the solution is known.

BUGHOUSE CHESS: Team chess game where you can always blame your losses on your partner’s play.

BUST: bad opening when playing a well-endowed female.

BYE:  A full point given to an odd player who has nothing to do.

CENTER:  For normal players, it is the d4, d5, e4, e5 squares.  For hypermodern players, it is the a1, a8, h1, h8 squares.

CENTER COUNTER: small table in the middle of a room.

CHEAPO: A trap that loses a piece and is so obvious that only an idiot would fall for it, and he does.

CHECK: what chess players hate to hear at a tournament or restaurant.

CHECKMATE:  A position a novice gets himself in because he doesn’t know the words “I resign.”

CHESS:  A game played on squares by squares.

CHESS LIFE: A magazine that comes out late once a month about tournaments that occurred 6 months ago.

CLASSIC CHESS BOOK:  A chess book that people praise and don’t read.  Usually written in descriptive notation.

COLLE: opening for dog lovers

COMBINATION: Series of moves that is too long for the average player to understand until pointed out to him.

COMPENSATION:  A lie that chess books and masters tell you when you are a pawn down.

CORRESPONDENCE CHESS: the check really is in the mail.  On the Internet, it is a method of play to see who has the strongest chess computer.

CROQUET:  Chess with sweat.

DANISH GAMBIT: opening for pastry lovers.

DEEP BLUE:  Joel Benjamin’s favorite color.

DISCOVERED ATTACK:  Something you find when walking around barefoot near a bulletin board.

DISCOVERED CHECK:  one that fell behind a desk long time ago.

DOUBLE CHECK:  Something you do when you shopped at Target recently.

DRAW:  Something that Marcel Duchamp was good at.

DUFFER:  Any chess player who can beat you 3 times in a row, and won’t play you again.

ENDGAME:  Punishment for missing a win before move 20.  It is your last opportunity to miss a draw or win.

ETHICS IN CHESS:  Undefined.

FIANCHETTO:  Pinnochio's last name.

FISH:  A weak player that falls for all your traps and still wins.

FOOL'S MATE:  A chessplayer's spouse.

FORESIGHT:  The ability to play in those chess tournaments that you are sure you are the highest rated player and are sure of winning.

FRENCH DEFENSE: a Maginot line.

FRIED LIVER ATTACK:  a form of indigestion.

GAMBIT:  An unsound sacrifice in the opening.

GOOD BISHOP:  Your opponent’s bishop, and you can’t block it.

GRANDMASTER:  A player so strong, that he can draw all his games.

GRANDMASTER DRAW:  A short game in which both players are afraid of each other.

GRECO GAMBIT: opening for wrestlers.

If-Move.  A method of predicting the next move to shorten a postal chess game from 12 months to 11 months and 3 weeks.

HANGING PAWN:  A pawn that committed suicide (could also be a poisoned pawn).

HELPMATE:  Your spouse when you are sick in bed and can’t move.

ILLEGAL:  a sick bird.

J’ADOUBE:  French for “if I move this piece, I may lose the game.”

KIBITZER:  A spectator that gives good advice to your opponent and bad advice to you.

KING’S INDIAN REVERSED:  NAIDNI SGNI’K.

KNIGHT ENDING:  dawn.

LOST GAME:  Something your opponent had for the past 10 moves, before he won.

MAROCZY:  A chess master who always got in a bind.

MAROCZY BIND:  an unusual form of constipation.

MATE: spouse.

MINORITY ATTACK:  a civil rights revolt.

MORAL VICTORY:  A term used to make the loser feel better after he got crushed.

OPEN FILE:  A Word document that you are editing.

OVERPROTECTION:  A term coined by Aron Nimzowitch about his relationship with his mother.

PIN:  A sharp move.

RANK:  A military term for enlisted men and officers.  1st rank could be a 2nd Lieutenant.  7th rank could be a general.

ROUND ROBIN:  Fat bird.

SACRIFICE:  Any piece that was left unprotected and taken for free.

SAM LOYD:  An endgame composer always causing problems.

SANDBAGGER:  Person who helps out during floods and hurricanes.

SELF-HELP MATE: a bigamist.

SIESTA VARIATION: taking a nap before noon.

SKITTLES:  Fruit-favored candy.

STALEMATE:  a spouse who keeps repeating the same old jokes.

SUDDEN DEATH:  What happened to Paul Keres, Jose Capablanca, and Alexander Alekhine.

SWINDLE:  The only way an opponent can be beaten.

SWISS-SYSTEM:  A pairing system full of homes.

TIE:  What you wear with a suit.

TRAP:  Something you saw, but forgot about until you fell into it and lost.

THEORETICAL NOVELTY:  A old, forgotten move that excites a master.

WON GAME:  Any game you lost.

WOODPUSHER:  lobbyist for the timber industry.

ZUGZWANG:  German for "constipated."  The term is used when it hurts to move.

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